I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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