I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
