I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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