how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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