WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
