mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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