It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
