just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
