im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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