I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
