In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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