Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
