i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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