i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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