Dual....:-)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
