you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
