my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
