i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
