Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
