Pappa wants mamma naked
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
