Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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