Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
