I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
