Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
