My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
