fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
