i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
