You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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