HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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