when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
