you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
