I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
