OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
