I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
