I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
