I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
