yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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