mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
