Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
