I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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