God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
