one might say we're banned from that church
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am available for nakedness
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
