I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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