okay pat passed out under dana's car
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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