I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
