Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
