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i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
