It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
