Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
