drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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