oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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